Core Values
As part of my work to build the life I want, I realized at one point that I didn't have any foundation on which to build. I thought I was moving towards what I wanted but had to face the uncomfortable realization that everything I was building towards was based on what other people valued and not what I valued. At this point I realized that I was not actually connected to my values.
Once I got past the existential crisis of that realization, and with a lot of support from people around me, I started working on trying to connect to my values.
Before I get into how I did this, I think it is useful to describe what I see as a "core value" as the term in itself is quite broad. The best definition I have for it at the moment is this:
A Core Value is what I hold as true and necessary for me to be in integrity with myself.
My values are not necessarily things that come easily to me, nor that I'm particularly good at. Often times they are the things I find hardest to do and that I want to do the least. However, they are also the things that I feel the worst about when I don't act in accordance with them. Some of them are aspirational and I do not feel like I'm anywhere close to being aligned with them, and that is also ok.
It took me a while to come up with values that felt true for me. They are also not not set in stone and I fully expect my values to shift over time as I learn and grow and as I find words and concepts that align more closely with what feels true and necessary for me.
This worksheet is a combination of a number of different exercises that I found through different workshops / websites and that helped me connect with my values.
The words I came up with for my core values mean something to me. When I say them to myself, I have a gut feeling of what it means for me to live in integrity with them. They will not mean the same to you, and I will share with you what mine are:
- Curiosity
- Connection
- Courage
- Wisdom
- Humanity
I will talk a bit about each one in the hopes that it gives you some sense of how these do and do not show up in my life so you can understand how your values may or may not be showing up in your life.
Curiosity: This one comes easiest for me, I have always been a curious person. My mind wants to understand how the world around me works and I am endlessly intrigued and in awe of how much I do not yet know.
Connection: This one comes from years of feeling isolated and alone in the world. I eventually recognized how disconnected I was, from both myself and others, and so connection become a core value of the life I want to build. It is not easy for me as it requires me to be vulnerable and work through hard conversations.
Courage: My most challenging value because I have been an avoidant person my entire life. This one challenges me daily. I want to avoid conflict, seek comfort, please others, and all of these traits require immense amounts of courage for me to overcome and not self-abandon.
Wisdom: My value that feels most aspirational for me. I feel uncomfortable claiming that I have any wisdom, and I also believe I do. As I grow older I want to build my wisdom and this core value has challenged me to think on what that looks like for me.
Humanity: The core value I often feel most disconnected from and / or out of integrity with. It is both aspirational and unclear as to how I can live in integrity with this value. I deeply believe that all people deserve human rights without having to justify their existence. I am also aware how so many of our systems and my individual actions within those systems rob people of those basic human rights.