Conclusion

Reading The Will To Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love by bell hooks laid out so many challenges I had personally struggled with in my life and how they related to patriarchal ideals. It brought them to the forefront of my awareness in a way that I was unable to look away from. It helped me see where I was, understand how I got there through family and societal systems, and ultimately allowed me to take accountability for where I found myself so I could start moving towards where I wanted to be.

I have described how I developed more awareness of how patriarchal ideals were passed down to me by my dad, and by society, as well as how I adopted and perpetuated them in myself. I have also described what has helped me so far in dismantling these ideals in myself. While I have more awareness of this, my work to dismantle my patriarchal thinking is not over. I am still unpacking the ways that patriarchal ideals influence my life, how I use them to diminish myself, and the ways they harm those around me.

In particular, I continue to develop awareness around the intersectionality of patriarchy and the many other systems of oppression (the imperialist white supremacist capitalist patriarchy). As I continue to learn about these systems of oppression I understand more deeply my internalized patriarchal ideals and can dismantle them within myself.

One part of dismantling patriarchal ideals is imagining a better way of being beyond the status quo. This has been more challenging for me than I expected as it requires me to imagine a world so different from the current one and imagination feels like a muscle that I haven't worked on in so long. I don't have a simple answer to what this better way of being is for myself and that's ok. Part of my work is learning to trust my gut feeling that there is something better and building the courage to leave the path of the status quo to find it.

I do know that imagining and living this way has been a more challenging and more fulfilling path through my life. I know that I feel more confident in myself and that my words and actions continue to feel more aligned by doing this work. I also know that my relationships with friends and family have improved dramatically as a result of me living in integrity with myself.

I encourage and support all people to think critically about the world around us, consider more deeply why things are the way they are, and how we want to show up and shape that world going forward. I have found it to be the most fulfilling work of my life and I hope my words might inspire others to embark on or continue their journeys.